| Monsters in dark corners? Don't Go There! © Betty Sue Eaton |
Claretta was just finishing the school year when she drowned during a school outing
by a nearby stock pond. In all the horse play after romping in the cold water, she was
playfully pushed back into the pond where she drowned. She was eleven years old
and the only daughter of my sister. Pauline was an excellent seamstress and Claretta
always had beautiful school clothes. Thinking of my Paula who was nine at the time,
Pauline gave her Claretta's entire wardrobe for the next school year.
Two years later, Paula was struck down by a car. My first thought was to pass her
clothes on to Debbie, my younger sister's only daughter who was nine at the time of
Paula's death. But I stopped short of completing the act that I'm certain would have
greatly benefited Debbie, as her Mom was trying to raise Debbie and her brother,
Mike, as a single parent.
I finally found a little girl at a foster home who needed clothing, and on condition that I
never meet her, donated all of Paula's clothes to her. Unfortunately, she was ill the
day I took them out to the ranch; and at the housemother's insistence, I was
introduced to her. I was devastated that I might cause yet another little girl's death.
Why did I feel that somehow I was responsible? Was that bizarre behavior? You bet it
was! I was faced with an old bugaboo: Fear Phobia! What is that? In my case, it was
the rationale that the clothing given to Paula might have cost her life, ergo, if I gave
the clothing to Debbie, I might have cost her life as well. Finally, if I didn't know who
would receive the clothing, I wouldn't cause any more grief! I just couldn't bring myself
to risk it! Silly you may say and I agree, and to be very sure it is more insane than
silly.
Long after suffering the loss of a loved one, after we have begun to live again with a
semblance of normalcy, old fears can jump out of the dark recesses of our minds and
render us totally paralyzed with dread. We are hard put trying to name them, but they
are as real as our loss years before. Waking suddenly in the middle of the night with a
feeling of impending doom; with heart pounding that shakes our sweat-drenched
body with a sense of imminent tragedy! We can't explain even to ourselves what this
dreadful feeling is: Fear! But fear of what? That's the crux of the question. It is just a
fear that SOMETHING is going to happen, and it is a phobia resulting from the close
association of past events that makes us feel that it is foreshadowing a future event
based on the same set of circumstances with the same result. Fear Phobia.
One of the stages of grieving we must go through is guilt. It includes many
personifications and one is fear phobia. What causes this condition to manifest itself is
associating one tragic event with another in a cause-effect relationship. One such
association might be like the following example. You might be having a great time out
with your loved one at a fabulous dinner or show, and suddenly, he or she is taken
from you. Time passes and slowly you have gone through the initial stages of shock
and grief and are somewhat recovering. Another occasion arises to go to that
restaurant for dinner with anticipation of a great time or that show and an evening out
again looking forward to a wonderful time. But suddenly, the situation reminds you of
conditions leading up to the death of your loved one and for some unknown reason
you are afraid to participate in the festivities. Fear Phobia! This is a very simplistic
example, but when compounded by multiple events associated with each other in the
mind of the participant, it can become paralyzing!
When we analyze this, isn't it preposterous that we could claim the power over life and
death just by our own decisions or past experiences? Isn't it ridiculous to feel that we
are as powerful as God in the power of life or death of others? Of course, but that is
what phobias do to us. Phobias are unreasonable fears without explanation. They can
best be described as a feeling of extreme anxiety in certain situations. They can be
classified as superstitions, like black cats, Friday 13th, walking under a ladder or
breaking a mirror. Fear phobia is just as ridiculous and must be put aside as just
another superstition.
When faced with fear phobia, we need to go to the Lord to give us the strength to put
the fear aside and rely on Him alone to deal with it. Then we can go about our lives
without fear and enjoy the friends and relatives who are close by and who love and
support us with all their hearts. Phobias live in the dark corners of our minds and we
must never allow ourselves to be pulled into those corners no matter what! What a
wonderful thing to live in the sunshine of our Father in Heaven!
by a nearby stock pond. In all the horse play after romping in the cold water, she was
playfully pushed back into the pond where she drowned. She was eleven years old
and the only daughter of my sister. Pauline was an excellent seamstress and Claretta
always had beautiful school clothes. Thinking of my Paula who was nine at the time,
Pauline gave her Claretta's entire wardrobe for the next school year.
Two years later, Paula was struck down by a car. My first thought was to pass her
clothes on to Debbie, my younger sister's only daughter who was nine at the time of
Paula's death. But I stopped short of completing the act that I'm certain would have
greatly benefited Debbie, as her Mom was trying to raise Debbie and her brother,
Mike, as a single parent.
I finally found a little girl at a foster home who needed clothing, and on condition that I
never meet her, donated all of Paula's clothes to her. Unfortunately, she was ill the
day I took them out to the ranch; and at the housemother's insistence, I was
introduced to her. I was devastated that I might cause yet another little girl's death.
Why did I feel that somehow I was responsible? Was that bizarre behavior? You bet it
was! I was faced with an old bugaboo: Fear Phobia! What is that? In my case, it was
the rationale that the clothing given to Paula might have cost her life, ergo, if I gave
the clothing to Debbie, I might have cost her life as well. Finally, if I didn't know who
would receive the clothing, I wouldn't cause any more grief! I just couldn't bring myself
to risk it! Silly you may say and I agree, and to be very sure it is more insane than
silly.
Long after suffering the loss of a loved one, after we have begun to live again with a
semblance of normalcy, old fears can jump out of the dark recesses of our minds and
render us totally paralyzed with dread. We are hard put trying to name them, but they
are as real as our loss years before. Waking suddenly in the middle of the night with a
feeling of impending doom; with heart pounding that shakes our sweat-drenched
body with a sense of imminent tragedy! We can't explain even to ourselves what this
dreadful feeling is: Fear! But fear of what? That's the crux of the question. It is just a
fear that SOMETHING is going to happen, and it is a phobia resulting from the close
association of past events that makes us feel that it is foreshadowing a future event
based on the same set of circumstances with the same result. Fear Phobia.
One of the stages of grieving we must go through is guilt. It includes many
personifications and one is fear phobia. What causes this condition to manifest itself is
associating one tragic event with another in a cause-effect relationship. One such
association might be like the following example. You might be having a great time out
with your loved one at a fabulous dinner or show, and suddenly, he or she is taken
from you. Time passes and slowly you have gone through the initial stages of shock
and grief and are somewhat recovering. Another occasion arises to go to that
restaurant for dinner with anticipation of a great time or that show and an evening out
again looking forward to a wonderful time. But suddenly, the situation reminds you of
conditions leading up to the death of your loved one and for some unknown reason
you are afraid to participate in the festivities. Fear Phobia! This is a very simplistic
example, but when compounded by multiple events associated with each other in the
mind of the participant, it can become paralyzing!
When we analyze this, isn't it preposterous that we could claim the power over life and
death just by our own decisions or past experiences? Isn't it ridiculous to feel that we
are as powerful as God in the power of life or death of others? Of course, but that is
what phobias do to us. Phobias are unreasonable fears without explanation. They can
best be described as a feeling of extreme anxiety in certain situations. They can be
classified as superstitions, like black cats, Friday 13th, walking under a ladder or
breaking a mirror. Fear phobia is just as ridiculous and must be put aside as just
another superstition.
When faced with fear phobia, we need to go to the Lord to give us the strength to put
the fear aside and rely on Him alone to deal with it. Then we can go about our lives
without fear and enjoy the friends and relatives who are close by and who love and
support us with all their hearts. Phobias live in the dark corners of our minds and we
must never allow ourselves to be pulled into those corners no matter what! What a
wonderful thing to live in the sunshine of our Father in Heaven!
| A Christian Grief Ministry |
100's of Inspirational Grief Poems and Stories |