| Put your left foot out ... and keep living! © Betty Sue Eaton |
That's right! Put your left foot out, put your right foot out, and keep on getting through
your days. "Why?" you say. Because God is still in Heaven and everything that has
happened to you is part of His plan for you. He has given you life, and if you listen to
that still small voice inside you, you can go on.
What am I talking about? Surviving the death of a loved one whom you miss with all
your heart. I have walked through that event more times than I care to count, but I
have listened to that still small voice within, and I know that God trusts me to go on
and more ~ to share with and encourage others who are so new to this experience
that they can see no way out of this pit of sorrow. I hope to share some insights on
how I, and others, have managed to live with . . . no, in spite of grief.
First: Recognize that you are alive. While there is breath in you, so there is hope. It
is hard to look up to sunshine when all of your world is dark right now, but know that
each moment you are alive takes you one second, one minute, one day past this
dreadfully hard time.
Second: Try not to be alone now. Seek out a friend, a pastor, or a group with whom
you can open up your grief to daylight and see it for what it is: disappointment, pain,
anger, fear, and so many other emotions that your head is in a whirl at the enormity of
it all. A friend of mine who had lost her husband, mother, stepfather and many close
friends withdrew saying that she could not face yet another death of a loved one. She
had sat with each one as they, in turn, sickened and died leaving her desolate of
hope. I advised her to open the blinds she said she hadn't opened in two weeks. I
helped her see that she was a ray of hope and sunshine as each of her friends and
family members clung to the last bit of life and they counted on her every day for
strength. Maybe that was God's gift to her: To be a pillar of hope to the hopeless in
their hour of need.
She lived over a thousand miles from me yet she reached out in her desperation for
comfort in her grief. So can you. Distance is no barrier to love when it is the only thing
that can make you feel as though there truly is a reason for you to go on.
Third: Make every effort to keep your schedule of daily activities that you had before
the loss of your loved one. A change of routine is a terrible burden to adapt to when
you're trying so hard to adapt to one of life's greatest changes: Life without a partner,
a parent, a child, a valued friend. Your routine can give you safe haven and another
step toward recovery from grief. It may be difficult at first to concentrate on what
needs to be done at work, at school, at a volunteer position, but remember, others are
still depending on you to be there and carry on. Each day will take you one day
farther down the road to recovery from the shock of grief.
Fourth: Live in the moment. When you feel the exquisite ache of heartbreak, allow
yourself to feel it intensely for the moment, then go on. When you are at work,
concentrate in the moment. If you still want to grieve, know that you can do so after
your responsibility is completed there. When friends call or come over, let them lead
and be in that moment with them. They are trying to help you survive the only way they
know how. Allow them to do that. There are wonderful, caring people who love you
who will be there with and for you if you let them.
Fifth: Find something that you can focus on so intently that all that exists for the few
minutes or an hour, or a day is the project at hand. Dr. Roll May, noted psychologist,
wrote in his book, "The Will To Create", in the '70's, that when one is in a 'creative
flow', time ceases to exist and all that exists is the act of creating something of beauty,
be it writing, crafting, cooking, or worshipping God, as another friend of mine did.
When my son died of cancer in 1995, my act of creating was stained glass work.
When I felt overwhelmingly sad, I would go into my glass workshop and sketch panels
that I could make of beautiful colored glass, then execute them to hang in my windows.
Each time I looked at their beauty and the sun through amazing colors, I thanked God
for the talent to create them and that it allowed me to escape a reality that I could not
change, for I was in complete control of the creations and the outcome of them. The
glass panels not only gave me release from grief for a brief time, they were a source of
enjoyment for my family and as gifts to friends, they were objects of expressed
friendship. So in creating, I not only helped myself, I consciously helped others.
As you visit and read Ferna Lary Mills' beautiful writings at Rainbow Faith, you can
understand creative flow as she found her release from grief through trying to help
others. Thousands have received a special blessing from her heartbroken words.
They have touched me so deeply that at her invitation, I have become an Associate at
Rainbow Faith.
Although not everyone has a special writing or glass working talent or even a desire,
each person does have a special interest which could be utilized in times of deep
grieving to find release for a time. There are many other ways I could include in this
short column about how to survive one moment, one hour, one day at a time until one
day, you realize that you have survived this most harsh life-changing event and are
actually living again. In the end, you will realize that you are stronger, more empathetic
to those around you, and more appreciative of those you still have and love even more
the one you had to release to God's care.
your days. "Why?" you say. Because God is still in Heaven and everything that has
happened to you is part of His plan for you. He has given you life, and if you listen to
that still small voice inside you, you can go on.
What am I talking about? Surviving the death of a loved one whom you miss with all
your heart. I have walked through that event more times than I care to count, but I
have listened to that still small voice within, and I know that God trusts me to go on
and more ~ to share with and encourage others who are so new to this experience
that they can see no way out of this pit of sorrow. I hope to share some insights on
how I, and others, have managed to live with . . . no, in spite of grief.
First: Recognize that you are alive. While there is breath in you, so there is hope. It
is hard to look up to sunshine when all of your world is dark right now, but know that
each moment you are alive takes you one second, one minute, one day past this
dreadfully hard time.
Second: Try not to be alone now. Seek out a friend, a pastor, or a group with whom
you can open up your grief to daylight and see it for what it is: disappointment, pain,
anger, fear, and so many other emotions that your head is in a whirl at the enormity of
it all. A friend of mine who had lost her husband, mother, stepfather and many close
friends withdrew saying that she could not face yet another death of a loved one. She
had sat with each one as they, in turn, sickened and died leaving her desolate of
hope. I advised her to open the blinds she said she hadn't opened in two weeks. I
helped her see that she was a ray of hope and sunshine as each of her friends and
family members clung to the last bit of life and they counted on her every day for
strength. Maybe that was God's gift to her: To be a pillar of hope to the hopeless in
their hour of need.
She lived over a thousand miles from me yet she reached out in her desperation for
comfort in her grief. So can you. Distance is no barrier to love when it is the only thing
that can make you feel as though there truly is a reason for you to go on.
Third: Make every effort to keep your schedule of daily activities that you had before
the loss of your loved one. A change of routine is a terrible burden to adapt to when
you're trying so hard to adapt to one of life's greatest changes: Life without a partner,
a parent, a child, a valued friend. Your routine can give you safe haven and another
step toward recovery from grief. It may be difficult at first to concentrate on what
needs to be done at work, at school, at a volunteer position, but remember, others are
still depending on you to be there and carry on. Each day will take you one day
farther down the road to recovery from the shock of grief.
Fourth: Live in the moment. When you feel the exquisite ache of heartbreak, allow
yourself to feel it intensely for the moment, then go on. When you are at work,
concentrate in the moment. If you still want to grieve, know that you can do so after
your responsibility is completed there. When friends call or come over, let them lead
and be in that moment with them. They are trying to help you survive the only way they
know how. Allow them to do that. There are wonderful, caring people who love you
who will be there with and for you if you let them.
Fifth: Find something that you can focus on so intently that all that exists for the few
minutes or an hour, or a day is the project at hand. Dr. Roll May, noted psychologist,
wrote in his book, "The Will To Create", in the '70's, that when one is in a 'creative
flow', time ceases to exist and all that exists is the act of creating something of beauty,
be it writing, crafting, cooking, or worshipping God, as another friend of mine did.
When my son died of cancer in 1995, my act of creating was stained glass work.
When I felt overwhelmingly sad, I would go into my glass workshop and sketch panels
that I could make of beautiful colored glass, then execute them to hang in my windows.
Each time I looked at their beauty and the sun through amazing colors, I thanked God
for the talent to create them and that it allowed me to escape a reality that I could not
change, for I was in complete control of the creations and the outcome of them. The
glass panels not only gave me release from grief for a brief time, they were a source of
enjoyment for my family and as gifts to friends, they were objects of expressed
friendship. So in creating, I not only helped myself, I consciously helped others.
As you visit and read Ferna Lary Mills' beautiful writings at Rainbow Faith, you can
understand creative flow as she found her release from grief through trying to help
others. Thousands have received a special blessing from her heartbroken words.
They have touched me so deeply that at her invitation, I have become an Associate at
Rainbow Faith.
Although not everyone has a special writing or glass working talent or even a desire,
each person does have a special interest which could be utilized in times of deep
grieving to find release for a time. There are many other ways I could include in this
short column about how to survive one moment, one hour, one day at a time until one
day, you realize that you have survived this most harsh life-changing event and are
actually living again. In the end, you will realize that you are stronger, more empathetic
to those around you, and more appreciative of those you still have and love even more
the one you had to release to God's care.
| A Christian Grief Ministry |
100's of Inspirational Grief Poems and Stories |