| Grief: How do you live with it? © Betty Sue Eaton |
| If you are reading this column, you are obviously wanting an answer to that question: Exactly how does one manage to go on after the shattering loss of a loved one? For Lottie Bradley, she enlisted a partner: Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! Upon meeting her, one would never see the pain and sorrow that pervaded her everyday life. She was a feisty seventy-year old lady with an attitude! Besides running a successful real estate firm from her home, she also owned and ran a very profitable nationally known insurance company. As I sat and listened to her explain the rental situation in her town, I was dismayed at the dim prospect of finding one that I could afford, especially since I had not yet begun my new job as Distributive Ed. Instructor at the local high school and I had no money. But she persisted saying that she felt sure that God had sent me to her to help. I noticed during that first meeting that Lottie had a large scar running up the side of her neck. Social manners prevented me from mentioning it even though it was most obvious to even the casual visitor. Lottie was an army nurse in WWII stationed in England at the height of hostilities there. She met and married a US fighter pilot as the war ground down, and finally they returned to the United States to begin their lives together. They produced one son, the apple of their eyes. But when their son was a teenager, his father was killed in an airplane accident. Lottie was devastated at the loss of her life partner and she was left to raise her young son alone. Seeking her own way after years out of the work force, even as I was doing, she bought the insurance business and became a certified realtor at the same time. Then she met Frank Bradley, an old bachelor rancher and cowboy in his late 50's. After a short time, she and Frank fell in love and were married, moving from his beloved ranch into town where his "little spitfire wife" could continue her businesses. Then again tragedy hit as her only son was killed in a car crash. Her grief was overwhelming! However, she continued with her businesses and kept busy in the Episcopal church where she and Frank were long time members. It was in England and in their church as well where she developed a very close and intimate relationship with God and spoke with Him daily as she would a friend who came into her office for business or her home for tea. But she would not be spared yet further grief. She developed breast cancer and had a radical mastectomy, and during the radiation therapy, received third degree burns on the left side of her upper body resulting in the awful scar I noticed on the day we met. But even that did not dampen her enormous spirit to live! As I sat with her one day having a glass of iced tea, she spoke with me about all that she had suffered and how she managed to retain her "spitfire" quality of life. "I told God", she said, "You take care of my eternal soul in heaven, and let me take care of the real estate business here on earth and we'll get along just fine!". Apparently that had been her mantra from the first tragedy of losing her beloved husband so many years before. Yet, other trials were in store for Frank and Lottie as he was diagnosed with untreatable emphysema, and when I met them, he was required to use oxygen almost 24-hours a day. Still he had strength to visit and laugh with me a few minutes each time I was in their home and always told me to "Hurry back, now!". But there was more yet: Lottie's cancer had returned and metastasized so that no further treatment could stop it. She knew she would not survive this one! But it still did not slow her down either in work or spirit! I left their town when the school year ended as I had found another position as a junior college instructor about 200 miles away, but I never lost track or closeness with Lottie and Frank Bradley. I believe that it was true that God had sent me to Lottie to guide me through launching my career as a brand new school teacher at age 48, and to provide an example that you CAN survive any- and everything that life sends you. And I have never forgotten her enormous will to live even after so many life shattering and life changing tragedies. She had a personal friendship with God that I have seen in no one else, until I met Ferna Lary Mills, Director of Rainbow Faith. Although I have never read of Ferna exactly telling God what Lottie did, I can feel it in her spirit and trust: "God, you take care of my eternal soul in heaven, and I'll take care of real estate - (Rainbow Faith) here on earth, and we'll get along just fine!" So how does one live with grief? By trusting God to care for your soul that has been battered by tragedy, continue to care for those things that are mortal and provide you with a livelihood and joy, and continue to see Him as your best friend and supporter! He DID promise to be those things, didn't He? I, for one, and all of the people whom I have written about believe Him and rely on Him everyday for just today, just one more day. Life IS one day at a time until there is no more pain, heartache or night, with Him in heaven. |
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