| What Is Grief? © Betty Sue Eaton |
As you move beyond your loss, perhaps you are wrestling with the basic question: Just
what IS grief? Grief, simply put, is an emotion rooted in loss, separation. No matter what
has been lost, or who has been lost, or from what or whom we are separated, the
emotion manifesting itself in us is a deep sense of grief!
Do you ever remember being left with a baby sitter, an aunt or sister, for an evening?
Remember how desolate you felt that your Mom and Dad were out of your sight even for
a short while? Remember the feeling of betrayal and anger that you were left behind?
The loss is inestimable! You probably felt as though you would never see your loved
ones again! You felt as though you had lost connection with reality; and in a sense, you
had. But the loss you felt was temporary. Losing a loved one in death is not temporary;
it is permanent until we meet them again in heaven.
When my daughter married, I gave her as something old my Grandmother Parker's wide,
gold wedding band inscribed inside with "ADP to Delia". One day while my daughter was
at work, their house was burglarized and along with ear studs that my mother had given
her, the thief took the wedding ring! I cried as though I were losing Grandmother Parker
all over again! Sure, it was only a gold ring, but to me, it was a link with the history of my
past and my daughter's as well. Today, that little gold ring would have been over 100
years old and lovingly passed on along to my granddaughter. What I felt was a deep
sorrow over a "thing", but a very cherished thing to be sure. When we feel that attached
to things, the loss of them is just as painful as losing someone dear to us, as those
things represent that person in our hearts.
Everyone and everything has a finite period of life or existence, and when that time has
expired, then it or they die. We become attached to having that thing, person, way of life,
with us. We find it hard - if not impossible to let those things or persons go out of our
lives, and when that happens, we have a sense of disappointment, of loss, in some
cases - abandonment - that is hard to get past.
We all know that we cannot change history and what has happened, even though it is
only milliseconds from occurring, it is already history. We cannot turn back the hands of
time and make events "unhappen". That is a law of physics, a natural law that is
incontrovertible! If that were not so, we would have caused wars, famine, destruction,
catastrophes to never have happened - in a sense to "unhappen"!. But that is not God's
law! God's law is that He is the Master of the Universe and has dominion over
everything in the Universe - even the death of our loved ones, the separation from what
or whom we loved with all our hearts.
The only way I know to cope with a loss of either a loved one or a beloved thing is to
cherish the memories we had of them when they were with us, and in some way, honor
their memory, whether in our hearts, or as many do, in a significant concrete way as a
lasting memorial to them. That memorial will not bring them back but it will keep them
with us in our hearts and minds. One such way is the establishing of scholarships for
others to benefit in a real way. Another example of such memorials is the Viet Nam Wall
of Names and other such tributes.
However, none of these memorials will resurrect our loved ones or bring back the lost
item. In all Creation, there has been only One who died and was resurrected in Spirit
form, and that person was Jesus Christ, who was born of man, lived in the flesh, died
and was resurrected as God's Spirit. Jesus Christ in God from God, from life in the flesh
to Spirit, and back to God. When we understand all these things, we must also
recognize that God is in control of our mortal lives, even as He was of Christ's life on
earth.
When we finally understand all these things, we must also understand that we will meet
Him in heaven and be reunited with all our loved ones who have gone before us. We will
understand that things we cherished on earth have no meaning when we sit at the feet
of God with Jesus standing at His right hand.
We must also understand that all our lives are but fleeting moments in God's time, and
that ALL things and people will eventually die or cease to exist. That does not mean that
we loose all feeling of love for those whom we have lost; it only means that we must love
them in a different form, in a different way than the way in which we have been
accustomed. We must now love them through God's eyes, for they surely are in His
presence now, as all who believe in Him will soon be. We must thank God for taking
care of those loved ones and continue to live out His plan for our lives here on earth.
We must be ever thankful to have had those loved ones with us here for a little time
before God called them back home to live eternally with Him in heaven.
what IS grief? Grief, simply put, is an emotion rooted in loss, separation. No matter what
has been lost, or who has been lost, or from what or whom we are separated, the
emotion manifesting itself in us is a deep sense of grief!
Do you ever remember being left with a baby sitter, an aunt or sister, for an evening?
Remember how desolate you felt that your Mom and Dad were out of your sight even for
a short while? Remember the feeling of betrayal and anger that you were left behind?
The loss is inestimable! You probably felt as though you would never see your loved
ones again! You felt as though you had lost connection with reality; and in a sense, you
had. But the loss you felt was temporary. Losing a loved one in death is not temporary;
it is permanent until we meet them again in heaven.
When my daughter married, I gave her as something old my Grandmother Parker's wide,
gold wedding band inscribed inside with "ADP to Delia". One day while my daughter was
at work, their house was burglarized and along with ear studs that my mother had given
her, the thief took the wedding ring! I cried as though I were losing Grandmother Parker
all over again! Sure, it was only a gold ring, but to me, it was a link with the history of my
past and my daughter's as well. Today, that little gold ring would have been over 100
years old and lovingly passed on along to my granddaughter. What I felt was a deep
sorrow over a "thing", but a very cherished thing to be sure. When we feel that attached
to things, the loss of them is just as painful as losing someone dear to us, as those
things represent that person in our hearts.
Everyone and everything has a finite period of life or existence, and when that time has
expired, then it or they die. We become attached to having that thing, person, way of life,
with us. We find it hard - if not impossible to let those things or persons go out of our
lives, and when that happens, we have a sense of disappointment, of loss, in some
cases - abandonment - that is hard to get past.
We all know that we cannot change history and what has happened, even though it is
only milliseconds from occurring, it is already history. We cannot turn back the hands of
time and make events "unhappen". That is a law of physics, a natural law that is
incontrovertible! If that were not so, we would have caused wars, famine, destruction,
catastrophes to never have happened - in a sense to "unhappen"!. But that is not God's
law! God's law is that He is the Master of the Universe and has dominion over
everything in the Universe - even the death of our loved ones, the separation from what
or whom we loved with all our hearts.
The only way I know to cope with a loss of either a loved one or a beloved thing is to
cherish the memories we had of them when they were with us, and in some way, honor
their memory, whether in our hearts, or as many do, in a significant concrete way as a
lasting memorial to them. That memorial will not bring them back but it will keep them
with us in our hearts and minds. One such way is the establishing of scholarships for
others to benefit in a real way. Another example of such memorials is the Viet Nam Wall
of Names and other such tributes.
However, none of these memorials will resurrect our loved ones or bring back the lost
item. In all Creation, there has been only One who died and was resurrected in Spirit
form, and that person was Jesus Christ, who was born of man, lived in the flesh, died
and was resurrected as God's Spirit. Jesus Christ in God from God, from life in the flesh
to Spirit, and back to God. When we understand all these things, we must also
recognize that God is in control of our mortal lives, even as He was of Christ's life on
earth.
When we finally understand all these things, we must also understand that we will meet
Him in heaven and be reunited with all our loved ones who have gone before us. We will
understand that things we cherished on earth have no meaning when we sit at the feet
of God with Jesus standing at His right hand.
We must also understand that all our lives are but fleeting moments in God's time, and
that ALL things and people will eventually die or cease to exist. That does not mean that
we loose all feeling of love for those whom we have lost; it only means that we must love
them in a different form, in a different way than the way in which we have been
accustomed. We must now love them through God's eyes, for they surely are in His
presence now, as all who believe in Him will soon be. We must thank God for taking
care of those loved ones and continue to live out His plan for our lives here on earth.
We must be ever thankful to have had those loved ones with us here for a little time
before God called them back home to live eternally with Him in heaven.
| A Christian Grief Ministry |
100's of Inspirational Grief Poems and Stories |