| Hally ~ My Grandmother ~ I Miss You! |
| © 2005, Rev. Kimberly R. Dreiman Posted here with author's permission. |
A grandmother is a special person and it is very hard to accept the fact the Lord is
calling her home. My grandmother's name was Hally ~ but most of her life she was
known as Maurgerite. She became known as Hally during her stay in hospitals and
nursing homes. I am going to share some of the memories and how I dealt with the
grief before and after her death.
My grandmother took care of her husband, cat and herself until the spring of her
95th year. Then, things changed rapidly. One night, I received a call that my
grandparents were fighting and my step-grandfather was hurt. Mom and I were
shocked to find my grandmother had bitten her husband Milo (my step-grandfather).
Mom took Milo to the hospital and I stayed with Grandma.
I sat on the couch and wondered where the years had gone. My grandmother
asked me if I was hungry. I told her no. She asked me several times if I was hungry
and then finally she decided to fix herself something. After she had her snack, I
talked her into going to my parent's house. My heart was breaking to see my
grandmother who once cared for me and tucked me into bed now was unable to
care for herself. I had to help her get ready for bed. I knew in my heart this was the
beginning of the end.
My grandmother was unable to return home. For the next few months she lived with
my parents. This was not an easy adjustment for my parents or grandmother. She
had dementia.
I tried to focus on the good memories such as the afternoons when she was able to
sit in the back yard in the swing and talk. I will cherish the memory of her sitting in
the little church (I pastor) and telling the people: "Now come back and bring a
friend." Grandma always supported everything I chose to do.
Soon, my grandmother became so weak and helpless, that the nursing home was
the only choice. I cannot explain the pain I felt as I saw her laying there so helpless
in the hospital bed. My grandmother had everlasting love for me. I would come and
visit her and she would say: "Well, it's Kimmy." Mom and I would pray with her and
we tried to make her as comfortable as possible. But, it was just heart breaking
because she would say: "Help me. Help me. Help me, Joyce Ann (her daughter)."
Mom and I did everything in our power to keep her comfortable. At one point she
was starving to death. So, Mom and I insisted on a feeding tube being put into her
stomach.
Toward, the end of her life, we had to change doctors. I had her transferred to a
nursing home in Newton, IL. Now, I knew death was coming and I was about to lose
my best friend that I had in the world.
I spent time thinking about all the wonderful childhood memories I had with her. For
example, as a young child I would sit on the stairs and play train ~ going to far away
places. Only a grandmother would stop what she was doing and take time to play
with a child. As I sat next to her hospital bed at night, I would remember the good
times we had.
I had been praying that if the Lord would not heal her, that he would take her home
peacefully. A few weeks before she went home to be with the Lord, Mom and I
could hear heavenly music coming from her body. The angels were preparing her
for the final trip to be with Jesus. I knew she would soon make that final journey
because she came to me in a dream. In the dream she was much younger and she
came to me and said, "I'm going on a journey, but don't worry. I am fine". Then she
was gone. I woke up from the dream and prayed asking God to give me strength
and peace to accept what his plans were.
A few weeks later the Lord told me not to let Mom go to the nursing home that
afternoon. So, Mom called the nursing home to find out how Grandma was doing
and they thought she was better. So, Mom agreed to come up later that day. Death
can happen at any moment. Within an hour, Mom received a call that Grandma had
gone home to be with the Lord. Mom called me and we drove to the nursing home
together. I loved my grandmother so much. She looked so peaceful that I knew she
was in the arms of the Lord.
God knew it would have been tough on Mom and I if we had been there. So, he
sent the angels for her and took her home. We told her we loved her and saw her in
the nursing home for the last time that day. I was not grieving for my grandmother ~
I was grieving because I was left behind and I had lost my best friend. She was in a
better place with Jesus.
I am an ordained pastor and I wanted to preach the funeral because that is what
Grandma would have wanted and no one else would have cared as much as I did. I
prayed to God to give me strength to be able to preach the funeral at the graveside
services. Grief comes in waves ~ I would be absolutely fine and then a sobbing
mess the next minute. I sat in the funeral home chairs sobbing until it was time for
me to stop being the grand daughter and to start being a pastor.
This was the first funeral I had preached. The funeral director came to me and
asked me to pray before we went to have the graveside services. So, I stood up
and the Lord strengthened me. I prayed and then we went to the graveside service
site. I stood there in front of the crowd and read scripture and then shared with
them about eternity and that I knew Grandma was at home with Jesus. But, did they
know where they would spend eternity? I reminded them that Jesus (or death) could
return at any moment, so they should make peace with the Lord and family.
After the funeral, relatives and friends told me it was a beautiful service and thanked
me for the message that caused them to think about eternity.
It has been over eight months since Grandma went to be with the Lord. As I said,
grief comes in waves there are days that I will remember something she said or did
and if I allow it to overtake me, I will become extremely depressed. But, when this
starts to happen I make sure I keep busy helping others. God has a plan for me to
use this grief I have felt to reach out to others.
As a pastor, this grief experience has given me more compassion for those who
have lost loved ones ~ especially for those who didn't know the Lord. This also
made my desire to share the good news of Jesus with others even more urgent
because death can come at any minute.
If the Lord calls a Christian home, they are like a caterpillar that is released and
turns into a beautiful butterfly ~ which is their heavenly body.
Here are a few ways the Lord has helped me deal with grief: Pray for peace, ask
the Lord to comfort you, read Psalms 91, keep a journal ~ write down memories and
current feelings, make a list of things to be thankful for, volunteer (nursing homes,
hospitals, hospices and schools are always needing volunteers) and take care of
yourself by eating balanced meals and getting enough rest.
Trust in God ~ he will see you through!
calling her home. My grandmother's name was Hally ~ but most of her life she was
known as Maurgerite. She became known as Hally during her stay in hospitals and
nursing homes. I am going to share some of the memories and how I dealt with the
grief before and after her death.
My grandmother took care of her husband, cat and herself until the spring of her
95th year. Then, things changed rapidly. One night, I received a call that my
grandparents were fighting and my step-grandfather was hurt. Mom and I were
shocked to find my grandmother had bitten her husband Milo (my step-grandfather).
Mom took Milo to the hospital and I stayed with Grandma.
I sat on the couch and wondered where the years had gone. My grandmother
asked me if I was hungry. I told her no. She asked me several times if I was hungry
and then finally she decided to fix herself something. After she had her snack, I
talked her into going to my parent's house. My heart was breaking to see my
grandmother who once cared for me and tucked me into bed now was unable to
care for herself. I had to help her get ready for bed. I knew in my heart this was the
beginning of the end.
My grandmother was unable to return home. For the next few months she lived with
my parents. This was not an easy adjustment for my parents or grandmother. She
had dementia.
I tried to focus on the good memories such as the afternoons when she was able to
sit in the back yard in the swing and talk. I will cherish the memory of her sitting in
the little church (I pastor) and telling the people: "Now come back and bring a
friend." Grandma always supported everything I chose to do.
Soon, my grandmother became so weak and helpless, that the nursing home was
the only choice. I cannot explain the pain I felt as I saw her laying there so helpless
in the hospital bed. My grandmother had everlasting love for me. I would come and
visit her and she would say: "Well, it's Kimmy." Mom and I would pray with her and
we tried to make her as comfortable as possible. But, it was just heart breaking
because she would say: "Help me. Help me. Help me, Joyce Ann (her daughter)."
Mom and I did everything in our power to keep her comfortable. At one point she
was starving to death. So, Mom and I insisted on a feeding tube being put into her
stomach.
Toward, the end of her life, we had to change doctors. I had her transferred to a
nursing home in Newton, IL. Now, I knew death was coming and I was about to lose
my best friend that I had in the world.
I spent time thinking about all the wonderful childhood memories I had with her. For
example, as a young child I would sit on the stairs and play train ~ going to far away
places. Only a grandmother would stop what she was doing and take time to play
with a child. As I sat next to her hospital bed at night, I would remember the good
times we had.
I had been praying that if the Lord would not heal her, that he would take her home
peacefully. A few weeks before she went home to be with the Lord, Mom and I
could hear heavenly music coming from her body. The angels were preparing her
for the final trip to be with Jesus. I knew she would soon make that final journey
because she came to me in a dream. In the dream she was much younger and she
came to me and said, "I'm going on a journey, but don't worry. I am fine". Then she
was gone. I woke up from the dream and prayed asking God to give me strength
and peace to accept what his plans were.
A few weeks later the Lord told me not to let Mom go to the nursing home that
afternoon. So, Mom called the nursing home to find out how Grandma was doing
and they thought she was better. So, Mom agreed to come up later that day. Death
can happen at any moment. Within an hour, Mom received a call that Grandma had
gone home to be with the Lord. Mom called me and we drove to the nursing home
together. I loved my grandmother so much. She looked so peaceful that I knew she
was in the arms of the Lord.
God knew it would have been tough on Mom and I if we had been there. So, he
sent the angels for her and took her home. We told her we loved her and saw her in
the nursing home for the last time that day. I was not grieving for my grandmother ~
I was grieving because I was left behind and I had lost my best friend. She was in a
better place with Jesus.
I am an ordained pastor and I wanted to preach the funeral because that is what
Grandma would have wanted and no one else would have cared as much as I did. I
prayed to God to give me strength to be able to preach the funeral at the graveside
services. Grief comes in waves ~ I would be absolutely fine and then a sobbing
mess the next minute. I sat in the funeral home chairs sobbing until it was time for
me to stop being the grand daughter and to start being a pastor.
This was the first funeral I had preached. The funeral director came to me and
asked me to pray before we went to have the graveside services. So, I stood up
and the Lord strengthened me. I prayed and then we went to the graveside service
site. I stood there in front of the crowd and read scripture and then shared with
them about eternity and that I knew Grandma was at home with Jesus. But, did they
know where they would spend eternity? I reminded them that Jesus (or death) could
return at any moment, so they should make peace with the Lord and family.
After the funeral, relatives and friends told me it was a beautiful service and thanked
me for the message that caused them to think about eternity.
It has been over eight months since Grandma went to be with the Lord. As I said,
grief comes in waves there are days that I will remember something she said or did
and if I allow it to overtake me, I will become extremely depressed. But, when this
starts to happen I make sure I keep busy helping others. God has a plan for me to
use this grief I have felt to reach out to others.
As a pastor, this grief experience has given me more compassion for those who
have lost loved ones ~ especially for those who didn't know the Lord. This also
made my desire to share the good news of Jesus with others even more urgent
because death can come at any minute.
If the Lord calls a Christian home, they are like a caterpillar that is released and
turns into a beautiful butterfly ~ which is their heavenly body.
Here are a few ways the Lord has helped me deal with grief: Pray for peace, ask
the Lord to comfort you, read Psalms 91, keep a journal ~ write down memories and
current feelings, make a list of things to be thankful for, volunteer (nursing homes,
hospitals, hospices and schools are always needing volunteers) and take care of
yourself by eating balanced meals and getting enough rest.
Trust in God ~ he will see you through!
| A Christian Grief Ministry |
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