| What Is Grief? © Betty Sue Eaton |
As you move beyond your loss, perhaps you are wrestling with the basic question:
Just what IS grief? Grief, simply put, is an emotion rooted in loss, separation. No
matter what has been lost, or who has been lost, or from what or whom we are
separated, the emotion manifesting itself in us is a deep sense of grief!
Do you ever remember being left with a baby sitter, an aunt or sister, for an evening?
Remember how desolate you felt that your Mom and Dad were out of your sight even
for a short while? Remember the feeling of betrayal and anger that you were left
behind? The loss is inestimable! You probably felt as though you would never see
your loved ones again! You felt as though you had lost connection with reality; and
in a sense, you had. But the loss you felt was temporary. Losing a loved one in
death is not temporary; it is permanent until we meet them again in heaven.
When my daughter married, I gave her as something old my Grandmother Parker's
wide, gold wedding band inscribed inside with "ADP to Delia A". One day while my
daughter was at work, their house was burglarized and along with ear studs that my
mother had given her, the thief took the wedding ring! I cried as though I were losing
Grandmother Parker all over again! Sure, it was only a gold ring, but to me, it was a
link with the history of my past and my daughter's as well. Today, that little gold ring
would have been over 100 years old and lovingly passed on along to my
granddaughter. What I felt was a deep sorrow over a "thing", but a very cherished
thing to be sure. When we feel that attached to things, the loss of them is just as
painful as losing someone dear to us, as those things represent that person in our
hearts.
Everyone and everything has a finite period of life or existence, and when that time
has expired, then it or they die. We become attached to having that thing, person,
way of life, with us. We find it hard ~ if not impossible to let those things or persons
go out of our lives, and when that happens, we have a sense of disappointment, of
loss, in some cases ~ abandonment ~ that is hard to get past.
We all know that we cannot change history and what has happened, even though it is
only milliseconds from occurring, it is already history. We cannot turn back the hands
of time and make events "unhappen". That is a law of physics, a natural law that is
incontrovertible! If that were not so, we would have caused wars, famine, destruction,
catastrophes to never have happened – in a sense ~ to "unhappen". But that is not
God's law! God's law is that He is the Master of the Universe and has dominion over
everything in the Universe ~even the death of our loved ones, the separation from
what or whom we loved with all our hearts.
The only way I know to cope with a loss of either a loved one or a beloved thing is to
cherish the memories we had of them when they were with us, and in some way,
honor their memory, whether in our hearts, or as many do, in a significant concrete
way as a lasting memorial to them. That memorial will not bring them back but it will
keep them with us in our hearts and minds. One such way is the establishing of
scholarships for others to benefit in a real way. Another example of such memorials is
the Viet Nam Wall of Names and other such tributes.
However, none of these memorials will resurrect our loved ones or bring back the lost
item. In all Creation, there has been only One who died and was resurrected in Spirit
form, and that person was Jesus Christ, who was born of man, lived in the flesh, died
and was resurrected as God's Spirit. Jesus Christ in God from God, from life in the
flesh to Spirit, and back to God. When we understand all these things, we must also
recognize that God is in control of our mortal lives, even as He was of Christ's life on
earth.
When we finally understand all these things, we must also understand that we will
meet Him in heaven and be reunited with all our loved ones who have gone before
us. We will understand that things we cherished on earth have no meaning when we
sit at the feet of God with Jesus standing at His right hand. We must also understand
that all our lives are but fleeting moments in God's time, and that ALL things and
people will eventually die or cease to exist.
That does not mean that we loose all feeling of love for those whom we have lost; it
only means that we must love them in a different form, in a different way than the way
in which we have been accustomed. We must now love them through God's eyes, for
they surely are in His presence now, as all who believe in Him will soon be. We must
thank God for taking care of those loved ones and continue to live out His plan for
our lives here on earth. We must be ever thankful to have had those loved ones with
us here for a little time before God called them back home to live eternally with Him in
heaven. ~ Betty
Just what IS grief? Grief, simply put, is an emotion rooted in loss, separation. No
matter what has been lost, or who has been lost, or from what or whom we are
separated, the emotion manifesting itself in us is a deep sense of grief!
Do you ever remember being left with a baby sitter, an aunt or sister, for an evening?
Remember how desolate you felt that your Mom and Dad were out of your sight even
for a short while? Remember the feeling of betrayal and anger that you were left
behind? The loss is inestimable! You probably felt as though you would never see
your loved ones again! You felt as though you had lost connection with reality; and
in a sense, you had. But the loss you felt was temporary. Losing a loved one in
death is not temporary; it is permanent until we meet them again in heaven.
When my daughter married, I gave her as something old my Grandmother Parker's
wide, gold wedding band inscribed inside with "ADP to Delia A". One day while my
daughter was at work, their house was burglarized and along with ear studs that my
mother had given her, the thief took the wedding ring! I cried as though I were losing
Grandmother Parker all over again! Sure, it was only a gold ring, but to me, it was a
link with the history of my past and my daughter's as well. Today, that little gold ring
would have been over 100 years old and lovingly passed on along to my
granddaughter. What I felt was a deep sorrow over a "thing", but a very cherished
thing to be sure. When we feel that attached to things, the loss of them is just as
painful as losing someone dear to us, as those things represent that person in our
hearts.
Everyone and everything has a finite period of life or existence, and when that time
has expired, then it or they die. We become attached to having that thing, person,
way of life, with us. We find it hard ~ if not impossible to let those things or persons
go out of our lives, and when that happens, we have a sense of disappointment, of
loss, in some cases ~ abandonment ~ that is hard to get past.
We all know that we cannot change history and what has happened, even though it is
only milliseconds from occurring, it is already history. We cannot turn back the hands
of time and make events "unhappen". That is a law of physics, a natural law that is
incontrovertible! If that were not so, we would have caused wars, famine, destruction,
catastrophes to never have happened – in a sense ~ to "unhappen". But that is not
God's law! God's law is that He is the Master of the Universe and has dominion over
everything in the Universe ~even the death of our loved ones, the separation from
what or whom we loved with all our hearts.
The only way I know to cope with a loss of either a loved one or a beloved thing is to
cherish the memories we had of them when they were with us, and in some way,
honor their memory, whether in our hearts, or as many do, in a significant concrete
way as a lasting memorial to them. That memorial will not bring them back but it will
keep them with us in our hearts and minds. One such way is the establishing of
scholarships for others to benefit in a real way. Another example of such memorials is
the Viet Nam Wall of Names and other such tributes.
However, none of these memorials will resurrect our loved ones or bring back the lost
item. In all Creation, there has been only One who died and was resurrected in Spirit
form, and that person was Jesus Christ, who was born of man, lived in the flesh, died
and was resurrected as God's Spirit. Jesus Christ in God from God, from life in the
flesh to Spirit, and back to God. When we understand all these things, we must also
recognize that God is in control of our mortal lives, even as He was of Christ's life on
earth.
When we finally understand all these things, we must also understand that we will
meet Him in heaven and be reunited with all our loved ones who have gone before
us. We will understand that things we cherished on earth have no meaning when we
sit at the feet of God with Jesus standing at His right hand. We must also understand
that all our lives are but fleeting moments in God's time, and that ALL things and
people will eventually die or cease to exist.
That does not mean that we loose all feeling of love for those whom we have lost; it
only means that we must love them in a different form, in a different way than the way
in which we have been accustomed. We must now love them through God's eyes, for
they surely are in His presence now, as all who believe in Him will soon be. We must
thank God for taking care of those loved ones and continue to live out His plan for
our lives here on earth. We must be ever thankful to have had those loved ones with
us here for a little time before God called them back home to live eternally with Him in
heaven. ~ Betty
| A Christian Grief Ministry |
Life After Loss |