| Family History: Love It and Leave It © Ferna Lary Mills |
This has been a strange week for my psyche. It started off weird enough as I was
doing spring cleaning (either late this year or early next year depending on how you
look at it). But, with the holidays coming and some family coming in for a visit, well,
you know, I just needed to do a good cleaning.
In the process, I ran across several tubs of old photographs. Now, as a
50-something year old orphan, not only do I have all of my own old photographs, but
photographs my mother collected, some her mother had, some my father had, some
of his mother's photos, and some from several aunts and uncles, all who have
passed on from this life.
That's a LOT of photographs!
My first real "moment" hit me when I began to realize the number of folks in these
pictures that I do not know. I don't have a clue who some of them are, but they were
important enough for someone to hang onto the photos for eons. Some of them date
back into the late 1800's. There are many taken during the war of folks my father
served with in the Navy and many that I can only assume are friends he shared
times with during his youth. Now, with no history to attach to some of these pictures,
they are as useless to me as the dust on the mantle. Yet, they were so important to
someone at one time!
Then my second "moment" hit me. There IS going to come a time when I will have
passed on, and my children won't know who most of these folks are either! Many of
them died long before my children were born. People who were so important to ME
will fade into history with no one left to remember them. Then, I realized that there
may even come a time when my memory fades into history long after my death.
Descendants that I will never meet face to face will never know who I was either. Will
they look at my photo and say, "Who is this?" and toss it aside?
So I began a quest this week to leave behind a history of both me and my family. I'm
organizing the photos into family groups, labeling them, and adding them to my
genealogy notes. My great-great-great grandchildren may never know ME, but they
will have the opportunity to know my family and how we were related, what we did,
where we lived, and the times we lived through.
Going through these old photographs is bitter-sweet. Grief isn't something you ever
get over, you merely get through it, one year after another. Grief is simply "loss" and
you never get over that feeling of loss for those you have truly loved. Going through
these photographs of people that I loved and some who have been gone for many
years, I still feel that twinge of sorrow and miss them. But there was also much joy,
as each photo spawned a memory, an event, or a story behind the scene. I carry this
joy in my heart through the end of time. It will never die, just as my love for these
people never dies. I thank God I still have these memories to put that warm feeling
back into the void in my heart.
Maybe your grief is too new to go through old photographs. There will come a time
when you can do this again. But whether or not your grief is new or old, save those
photographs and mark them for your descendants. Keep the history alive, for who
knows, some day someone may come along in your family, maybe the next
generation, or the one after that, who will look at that one particular photo and SEE
the love, even though they never experienced it first hand.
Embrace your family history, cherish the memories, and leave a history of YOU for
the loved ones who will arrive later on down your family tree. Maybe in the history
you leave behind, they will see your faith and your strength in tough times. What
greater gift can you ever hope to give them?
As I look back across the table at the great stacks of photos still waiting for me to
categorize, I realize my greatest joy. The day is coming, and only God knows when
that day is, that I will again see many of these folks face to face in our Heavenly
home. What a reunion that will be, and I can't wait to tell them what I left behind for
future generations to find.
May God bless you and bring you Peace. ~ Ferna
doing spring cleaning (either late this year or early next year depending on how you
look at it). But, with the holidays coming and some family coming in for a visit, well,
you know, I just needed to do a good cleaning.
In the process, I ran across several tubs of old photographs. Now, as a
50-something year old orphan, not only do I have all of my own old photographs, but
photographs my mother collected, some her mother had, some my father had, some
of his mother's photos, and some from several aunts and uncles, all who have
passed on from this life.
That's a LOT of photographs!
My first real "moment" hit me when I began to realize the number of folks in these
pictures that I do not know. I don't have a clue who some of them are, but they were
important enough for someone to hang onto the photos for eons. Some of them date
back into the late 1800's. There are many taken during the war of folks my father
served with in the Navy and many that I can only assume are friends he shared
times with during his youth. Now, with no history to attach to some of these pictures,
they are as useless to me as the dust on the mantle. Yet, they were so important to
someone at one time!
Then my second "moment" hit me. There IS going to come a time when I will have
passed on, and my children won't know who most of these folks are either! Many of
them died long before my children were born. People who were so important to ME
will fade into history with no one left to remember them. Then, I realized that there
may even come a time when my memory fades into history long after my death.
Descendants that I will never meet face to face will never know who I was either. Will
they look at my photo and say, "Who is this?" and toss it aside?
So I began a quest this week to leave behind a history of both me and my family. I'm
organizing the photos into family groups, labeling them, and adding them to my
genealogy notes. My great-great-great grandchildren may never know ME, but they
will have the opportunity to know my family and how we were related, what we did,
where we lived, and the times we lived through.
Going through these old photographs is bitter-sweet. Grief isn't something you ever
get over, you merely get through it, one year after another. Grief is simply "loss" and
you never get over that feeling of loss for those you have truly loved. Going through
these photographs of people that I loved and some who have been gone for many
years, I still feel that twinge of sorrow and miss them. But there was also much joy,
as each photo spawned a memory, an event, or a story behind the scene. I carry this
joy in my heart through the end of time. It will never die, just as my love for these
people never dies. I thank God I still have these memories to put that warm feeling
back into the void in my heart.
Maybe your grief is too new to go through old photographs. There will come a time
when you can do this again. But whether or not your grief is new or old, save those
photographs and mark them for your descendants. Keep the history alive, for who
knows, some day someone may come along in your family, maybe the next
generation, or the one after that, who will look at that one particular photo and SEE
the love, even though they never experienced it first hand.
Embrace your family history, cherish the memories, and leave a history of YOU for
the loved ones who will arrive later on down your family tree. Maybe in the history
you leave behind, they will see your faith and your strength in tough times. What
greater gift can you ever hope to give them?
As I look back across the table at the great stacks of photos still waiting for me to
categorize, I realize my greatest joy. The day is coming, and only God knows when
that day is, that I will again see many of these folks face to face in our Heavenly
home. What a reunion that will be, and I can't wait to tell them what I left behind for
future generations to find.
May God bless you and bring you Peace. ~ Ferna
| A Christian Grief Ministry |
Life After Loss |