| It's a "Time-Thing" © Ferna Lary Mills |
| A Christian Grief Ministry |
Life After Loss |
When I was a little girl, I had a favorite doll that I cherished and carried with me wherever
I went. One day, for reasons I'm sure God only knows, I suddenly outgrew that little doll
and just left her behind. It was time. It eventually disappeared completely. Mom never
said what happened to it, and I don't remember ever asking. I had gone on to better
things.
The same thing happened over and over again throughout my years: different items,
same outcome. I outgrew things. Whether clothes, records, or one fad after another,
eventually I outgrew them and they were no longer necessary for my happiness. What is
it with these "things"? Why do we have things that (for a time) we believe we can't live
without; but once we've moved on from them, they seem so insignificant?
Now, there are some things we DO need that ARE important for our happiness and well
being. For a time. In fact, it's this whole "time" thing that causes us so much trouble.
When we lose a "thing" because we've outgrown it, we may never even give it a second
thought. But if it's taken from us before we're ready to give it up: instant grief! (Try taking
a pacifier away from a baby that's not ready to turn loose of it yet!)
Grief is loss of something or someone we still need and love. Something or someone
who is still all-important in our life. The amount of need and love of that someone or
something will determine the amount of grief when it's lost from us.
True, some-ONE is a lot different that some-THING. But since nothing on this planet is
eternal, and since every person, place and thing has a "time" thing attached to it, we will
at some time eventually lose everything and everyone if we live long enough past the
"time" thing.
If I could live to be 1000, which thankfully I can't, imagine the things and the loved ones I
would outlast. Imagine the grief of so many losses.
When a loved one dies, someone always says, "It was their time." Was it? When my
Mom died, I cried, "No. It's not time!" I wasn't through with her yet. I wasn't ready. I still
needed her in my life and she was gone long before I was ready to even think about
letting her go.
Then, someone in their infinite wisdom asked this question: "If not now, when?"
Whew. Good question. When IS a good time to lose a loved one? Now? Next month?
Five years from now? Did I truly want her to outlive me and be the one left behind
grieving an ocean of tears? Would my grief have been one teardrop less if she had lived
another ten years? Or twenty? No, there is never going to be a time when we are ready
to say, "Okay, I’m done. You can go now."
The "time" thing is always there, noticed only when it seems out of sync with our own
personal time table.
At some point, it finally dawned on me that MY timetable is irrelevant. It was a difficult
concept for me to grasp. However, I am not the center of the Universe. God is. He is the
Creator of time, so it's HIS time-thing, not mine, and His timing is always perfect!
When Mom’s "time" came, it was at the time of God's choosing, not mine. In the split
second between what we call "life and death", she no longer needed her earthly body.
The moment the Lord reached down and took her hand, her earthly body became
another "thing"” of insignificance – to her. With His touch, I’m certain the Glory
surrounding her was so awesome, that she discarded that body without a second
thought, just like that doll I discarded so many years ago. She no longer had any need for
the physical things, even her physical body. She had "outgrown" it.
The doctors give a time of death to be noted on a Death Certificate. Maybe someone
should lobby to change this. They should be recording a time of Eternal Life (the moment
of our re-birth) on a new Birth Certificate for Heaven! She didn't die. She was born into
the arms of the Lord in a place so awesome; I can't even begin to imagine it accurately.
No, she didn't die. He simply turned out her light because her dawn had finally arrived.
She left this house and she went Home.
Yes, her physical body died. Cancer made sure of that. But nothing could kill the Spirit of
the woman who occupied that mortal body for 65 years. God promised she would have
Eternal Life because she knew Him. He promises us the same thing, if we know Him.* He
also made a promise to us that there will be a Grand Reunion one day, and He is
eternally faithful in His promises.
As you remember your loved ones who have gone on ahead of you and are now in the
Glorious presence of the Lord, may you also remember God's promises and draw
strength from them. (There are over 5,000 of them in the Bible.) Also, remember that He
has metered our own life into moments of "time". We must use them wisely and make
each moment worthwhile. For the day will come when our dawn arrives and He will reach
out and touch our hand, turn out our light and say, "It’s time. Welcome Home."
May the Lord truly bless you and give you Peace.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
* If you don't yet know the Lord, what are you waiting for? He's been waiting for you since
the moment He conceived you in His thoughts and knit you in your mother's womb. It's
not too late, yet, and He's truly only a breath away. "Key to Heaven" may encourage you
and guide you gently towards finding Him for yourself. It's the easiest, yet the most
important thing you will ever do in your life. He promises.
I went. One day, for reasons I'm sure God only knows, I suddenly outgrew that little doll
and just left her behind. It was time. It eventually disappeared completely. Mom never
said what happened to it, and I don't remember ever asking. I had gone on to better
things.
The same thing happened over and over again throughout my years: different items,
same outcome. I outgrew things. Whether clothes, records, or one fad after another,
eventually I outgrew them and they were no longer necessary for my happiness. What is
it with these "things"? Why do we have things that (for a time) we believe we can't live
without; but once we've moved on from them, they seem so insignificant?
Now, there are some things we DO need that ARE important for our happiness and well
being. For a time. In fact, it's this whole "time" thing that causes us so much trouble.
When we lose a "thing" because we've outgrown it, we may never even give it a second
thought. But if it's taken from us before we're ready to give it up: instant grief! (Try taking
a pacifier away from a baby that's not ready to turn loose of it yet!)
Grief is loss of something or someone we still need and love. Something or someone
who is still all-important in our life. The amount of need and love of that someone or
something will determine the amount of grief when it's lost from us.
True, some-ONE is a lot different that some-THING. But since nothing on this planet is
eternal, and since every person, place and thing has a "time" thing attached to it, we will
at some time eventually lose everything and everyone if we live long enough past the
"time" thing.
If I could live to be 1000, which thankfully I can't, imagine the things and the loved ones I
would outlast. Imagine the grief of so many losses.
When a loved one dies, someone always says, "It was their time." Was it? When my
Mom died, I cried, "No. It's not time!" I wasn't through with her yet. I wasn't ready. I still
needed her in my life and she was gone long before I was ready to even think about
letting her go.
Then, someone in their infinite wisdom asked this question: "If not now, when?"
Whew. Good question. When IS a good time to lose a loved one? Now? Next month?
Five years from now? Did I truly want her to outlive me and be the one left behind
grieving an ocean of tears? Would my grief have been one teardrop less if she had lived
another ten years? Or twenty? No, there is never going to be a time when we are ready
to say, "Okay, I’m done. You can go now."
The "time" thing is always there, noticed only when it seems out of sync with our own
personal time table.
At some point, it finally dawned on me that MY timetable is irrelevant. It was a difficult
concept for me to grasp. However, I am not the center of the Universe. God is. He is the
Creator of time, so it's HIS time-thing, not mine, and His timing is always perfect!
When Mom’s "time" came, it was at the time of God's choosing, not mine. In the split
second between what we call "life and death", she no longer needed her earthly body.
The moment the Lord reached down and took her hand, her earthly body became
another "thing"” of insignificance – to her. With His touch, I’m certain the Glory
surrounding her was so awesome, that she discarded that body without a second
thought, just like that doll I discarded so many years ago. She no longer had any need for
the physical things, even her physical body. She had "outgrown" it.
The doctors give a time of death to be noted on a Death Certificate. Maybe someone
should lobby to change this. They should be recording a time of Eternal Life (the moment
of our re-birth) on a new Birth Certificate for Heaven! She didn't die. She was born into
the arms of the Lord in a place so awesome; I can't even begin to imagine it accurately.
No, she didn't die. He simply turned out her light because her dawn had finally arrived.
She left this house and she went Home.
Yes, her physical body died. Cancer made sure of that. But nothing could kill the Spirit of
the woman who occupied that mortal body for 65 years. God promised she would have
Eternal Life because she knew Him. He promises us the same thing, if we know Him.* He
also made a promise to us that there will be a Grand Reunion one day, and He is
eternally faithful in His promises.
As you remember your loved ones who have gone on ahead of you and are now in the
Glorious presence of the Lord, may you also remember God's promises and draw
strength from them. (There are over 5,000 of them in the Bible.) Also, remember that He
has metered our own life into moments of "time". We must use them wisely and make
each moment worthwhile. For the day will come when our dawn arrives and He will reach
out and touch our hand, turn out our light and say, "It’s time. Welcome Home."
May the Lord truly bless you and give you Peace.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
* If you don't yet know the Lord, what are you waiting for? He's been waiting for you since
the moment He conceived you in His thoughts and knit you in your mother's womb. It's
not too late, yet, and He's truly only a breath away. "Key to Heaven" may encourage you
and guide you gently towards finding Him for yourself. It's the easiest, yet the most
important thing you will ever do in your life. He promises.