When we are grieving, the big things going on in our life right now seem to swallow
up the basics. The biggest basic is to take care of YOU. You have enough problems
right now without adding any additional health problems to the list. Here are 5
simple basics I learned as a child that apply even more so today, especially if you
are grieving. It's so very important that even in your grief, you remember to take care
of YOU.
Never start the day without breakfast.
I never cared for breakfast much. Pancakes and syrup were too sweet; toast was
burnt bread; oatmeal was mushy, and cereal got soggy too fast. But I always ate
breakfast. Why? Because my mom made me. She just wouldn't let me start the day
without eating breakfast ~ ever! It was almost a religion with her and there was no
room for discussion. She said, "Your body can't function if it doesn't have breakfast
to get its motor running." She equated it to trying to operate a car with an empty gas
tank.
So, her solution to my lack of breakfast-enthusiasm was a smiley face! She would
poach two eggs (even before microwaves!) and arrange them with a slice of
cantaloupe on my plate. It looked like a goofy smiley face, but it added some fun to
breakfast. On days when she knew I was really grumpy, she would turn the
cantaloupe slice upside down like a sad face. As I sat down at the table, she would
say with a grin, "I hope you don't wander around all day looking like that!" She had a
terrific sense of humor and it always put a smile on MY face. I never knew if it was
the nourishment to my body or the nourishment to my spirit, but her smiley-face
breakfast always made my day!
Now, when you're grieving, sometimes food is the LAST thing you want to think
about. Sometimes it's hard enough just to get out of bed in the morning. You're not
hungry. You have no appetite. That's okay, because it's normal. But you still need to
eat. If necessary, think of breakfast as medicine. Swallow it one bite at a time, if for
no other reason than it will give your body strength for the stress you must endure
today. You may argue like I used to as a kid and say you just don't need it, but you
do. In fact, you need it now more than ever because you are under so much added
stress these days. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for me. If not for me, do it for my
mom. Even though she lives in Heaven now, I know it will make her smile! You might
even try the old poached eggs and cantaloupe ploy! At least it will guarantee you
get to see at least ONE smile today!
Drink plenty of water.
Recess was my favorite subject in school! I thought recess was just playtime, but it
was designed to release that pent up energy I absorbed sitting behind my desk. Of
course, it was also so my teachers could rest from all that pent up energy I absorbed
sitting behind my desk. But after recess, I always headed straight for the water
fountain to quench my thirst. Releasing pent up energy is hard work and can leave
you dehydrated.
Grieving is hard work, too. You may not feel dehydrated, but generally you aren't
taking in as much fluid as you are expending, even if you are holding back the tears.
Stress causes a lot of damage to your body and results in a lot of things inside that
really need flushed out. So drink plenty of water. No, not coffee and diet cola. Those
things are okay, but they don't count. Okay, so I'm hearing my mother's words again:
"You need to wash out your insides just like you do the outside. You don't take a
bath in coke and coffee." Drink water.
If water is like breakfast and you just don't want it, drink it like medicine because
your body truly does need good, fresh water. Doctors say to drink at least six to
eight 8-oz. glasses of water a day, even more during periods of stress. I think if I
were to drink that much water every day I would probably drown. That's a LOT of
water. But set a goal to drink a goodly amount, maybe just start with two glasses
and work your way up, but get into the habit of drinking water. Add a slice of lemon
or ice if you need to, but remember you need water even if you do usually drink two
colas and fourteen cups of coffee a day.
I put a half-gallon pitcher filled with water in my fridge, and by the end of the day I'm
always surprised how little of it I've actually drank. So you might think you are
drinking more water than you actually are. Try measuring a portion for a day or two
to see how much you are really drinking.
Exercise at least a little bit each day.
Remember elementary school? We had to do calisthenics whether we wanted to or
not. Why? Because it's healthy. No, I'm not saying you have to do push-ups and
jumping jacks when you just barely feel like putting one foot in front of the other. But
some form of exercise is healthy and with everything else going on in your life, you
need to stay healthy. Take a walk, even if just to the mailbox and back for a start.
Tomorrow, walk to the neighbors mailbox and back. Going to the grocery store?
Park in the farthest parking space in the parking lot and walk. It's free exercise.
Don't want to leave the house? Then, weed the flower bed. But do something that
gets you moving and off the couch. Not only will it make you feel better, it will help
you fall asleep when bedtime rolls around.
I used to say the only time I exercise is when my pantyhose run, or when I'm jumping
to conclusions, or hopping mad. But it's amazing how even just a little exercise when
you're really stressed out, can put things in a different perspective. Okay, you don't
feel like walking by yourself? Think of each step as medicine. Put one foot in front of
the other and just start walking. Know that every step is helping your heart to heal
and getting you one step closer to living again.
Always take your medicine.
As a child, I would never take medicine on purpose. It tasted nasty and I hated it. In
fact, if my mother didn't chase me down and threaten to sit on me, I would never
have swallowed the stuff.
Now, I'm not going to chase you down and threaten to sit on you. But seriously, if
you are on prescription medication for a current health problem, please don't forget
to take your medication. Now is not the time to forget, even though now may be the
time you are forgetting everything but your grief. If you are diabetic, or have high
blood pressure, or any other physical ailment that resulted in a prescription
medication, please remember to take it faithfully.
When your world has crumbled, it's easy to forget things, leaving your own health
issues buried underneath the rubble somewhere. Do whatever it takes to find a way
to remember. Post a note on the fridge, tack a sticky-note on your bedside clock, tie
a string around the coffee pot handle or hang a note from the ceiling fan chain.
Things are really tough right now, but will be made much tougher if you get sick.
You really don't want those kinds of problems on top of everything else you are
already going through.
Not taking medication for anything? Then post those sticky notes to remind you to
eat breakfast, drink plenty of water, and exercise, at least until you get back in the
habit. I had so much trouble remembering things in my grief, that I filled my world
with those little yellow "nag-notes". It was the only way I could remember!
Don't overdo.
As a child, my favorite snack was chocolate chip cookies. Mom never put them in my
lunch box. Desert in my lunch box always consisted of fruit. But for an afternoon
snack I could have THREE with a glass of milk. Heaven to a six year old! Even
though I often begged for just one more, she wouldn't let me overdo. That's the
nicest part of being a kid – never being allowed to overdo. Sure, as a kid I
resented it, but I can look back now and see that it was good that I had someone to
remind me when enough was enough.
When you're grieving, you may not have someone around to remind you of that.
That's why I'm telling you. Don't overdo. That means that no matter what you are
doing, don't overdo it. Don't go overboard with donuts or chocolate chip cookies or
that bag of potato chips or that gallon of ice cream. Overeating will not erase your
grief. Don't overdo your rest. Sleeping your life away will not cause your grief to
disappear, it will only postpone it. Don't spend your entire day crying. Tears are a
necessary part of grief, but too many will only give you a really bad sinus headache.
This is from someone who bought tissues by the case.
The only thing you should overdo while grieving, is prayer. Remember: God is great.
God is good. Let us thank Him. For no matter your circumstances, no matter your
stage of grief, God is great, God is good. He is with you always, and will be your
strength to get you through the days, months, years ahead of you. For THAT, give
thanks. He loves you and will see you through your grief, bringing you peace that
can only be found in Him. Spend plenty of time with Him in prayer, for there is where
you will find comfort and the courage to continue in this new life without your loved
one. Have faith! You can do this and He will help you every step of the way if you let
Him.
In all seriousness, I don't know your own personal circumstances. I know you are
grieving, or else you wouldn't be here reading this page. Please know that my heart
goes out to you on your loss and I do have some idea of what you are going
through. I have no words to take your pain away but I hope I have given you a little
extra encouragement. Please take care of yourself. Someone loves you, of that I'm
sure, and you need to take care of yourself even when you don't care. Trust me. If
you focus on the Lord and allow Him to walk with you in your grief, there WILL come
a time when you will care again. That time will come sooner if you are taking care of
yourself in the process.
May God truly bless you and bring you Peace. ~ Ferna
up the basics. The biggest basic is to take care of YOU. You have enough problems
right now without adding any additional health problems to the list. Here are 5
simple basics I learned as a child that apply even more so today, especially if you
are grieving. It's so very important that even in your grief, you remember to take care
of YOU.
Never start the day without breakfast.
I never cared for breakfast much. Pancakes and syrup were too sweet; toast was
burnt bread; oatmeal was mushy, and cereal got soggy too fast. But I always ate
breakfast. Why? Because my mom made me. She just wouldn't let me start the day
without eating breakfast ~ ever! It was almost a religion with her and there was no
room for discussion. She said, "Your body can't function if it doesn't have breakfast
to get its motor running." She equated it to trying to operate a car with an empty gas
tank.
So, her solution to my lack of breakfast-enthusiasm was a smiley face! She would
poach two eggs (even before microwaves!) and arrange them with a slice of
cantaloupe on my plate. It looked like a goofy smiley face, but it added some fun to
breakfast. On days when she knew I was really grumpy, she would turn the
cantaloupe slice upside down like a sad face. As I sat down at the table, she would
say with a grin, "I hope you don't wander around all day looking like that!" She had a
terrific sense of humor and it always put a smile on MY face. I never knew if it was
the nourishment to my body or the nourishment to my spirit, but her smiley-face
breakfast always made my day!
Now, when you're grieving, sometimes food is the LAST thing you want to think
about. Sometimes it's hard enough just to get out of bed in the morning. You're not
hungry. You have no appetite. That's okay, because it's normal. But you still need to
eat. If necessary, think of breakfast as medicine. Swallow it one bite at a time, if for
no other reason than it will give your body strength for the stress you must endure
today. You may argue like I used to as a kid and say you just don't need it, but you
do. In fact, you need it now more than ever because you are under so much added
stress these days. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for me. If not for me, do it for my
mom. Even though she lives in Heaven now, I know it will make her smile! You might
even try the old poached eggs and cantaloupe ploy! At least it will guarantee you
get to see at least ONE smile today!
Drink plenty of water.
Recess was my favorite subject in school! I thought recess was just playtime, but it
was designed to release that pent up energy I absorbed sitting behind my desk. Of
course, it was also so my teachers could rest from all that pent up energy I absorbed
sitting behind my desk. But after recess, I always headed straight for the water
fountain to quench my thirst. Releasing pent up energy is hard work and can leave
you dehydrated.
Grieving is hard work, too. You may not feel dehydrated, but generally you aren't
taking in as much fluid as you are expending, even if you are holding back the tears.
Stress causes a lot of damage to your body and results in a lot of things inside that
really need flushed out. So drink plenty of water. No, not coffee and diet cola. Those
things are okay, but they don't count. Okay, so I'm hearing my mother's words again:
"You need to wash out your insides just like you do the outside. You don't take a
bath in coke and coffee." Drink water.
If water is like breakfast and you just don't want it, drink it like medicine because
your body truly does need good, fresh water. Doctors say to drink at least six to
eight 8-oz. glasses of water a day, even more during periods of stress. I think if I
were to drink that much water every day I would probably drown. That's a LOT of
water. But set a goal to drink a goodly amount, maybe just start with two glasses
and work your way up, but get into the habit of drinking water. Add a slice of lemon
or ice if you need to, but remember you need water even if you do usually drink two
colas and fourteen cups of coffee a day.
I put a half-gallon pitcher filled with water in my fridge, and by the end of the day I'm
always surprised how little of it I've actually drank. So you might think you are
drinking more water than you actually are. Try measuring a portion for a day or two
to see how much you are really drinking.
Exercise at least a little bit each day.
Remember elementary school? We had to do calisthenics whether we wanted to or
not. Why? Because it's healthy. No, I'm not saying you have to do push-ups and
jumping jacks when you just barely feel like putting one foot in front of the other. But
some form of exercise is healthy and with everything else going on in your life, you
need to stay healthy. Take a walk, even if just to the mailbox and back for a start.
Tomorrow, walk to the neighbors mailbox and back. Going to the grocery store?
Park in the farthest parking space in the parking lot and walk. It's free exercise.
Don't want to leave the house? Then, weed the flower bed. But do something that
gets you moving and off the couch. Not only will it make you feel better, it will help
you fall asleep when bedtime rolls around.
I used to say the only time I exercise is when my pantyhose run, or when I'm jumping
to conclusions, or hopping mad. But it's amazing how even just a little exercise when
you're really stressed out, can put things in a different perspective. Okay, you don't
feel like walking by yourself? Think of each step as medicine. Put one foot in front of
the other and just start walking. Know that every step is helping your heart to heal
and getting you one step closer to living again.
Always take your medicine.
As a child, I would never take medicine on purpose. It tasted nasty and I hated it. In
fact, if my mother didn't chase me down and threaten to sit on me, I would never
have swallowed the stuff.
Now, I'm not going to chase you down and threaten to sit on you. But seriously, if
you are on prescription medication for a current health problem, please don't forget
to take your medication. Now is not the time to forget, even though now may be the
time you are forgetting everything but your grief. If you are diabetic, or have high
blood pressure, or any other physical ailment that resulted in a prescription
medication, please remember to take it faithfully.
When your world has crumbled, it's easy to forget things, leaving your own health
issues buried underneath the rubble somewhere. Do whatever it takes to find a way
to remember. Post a note on the fridge, tack a sticky-note on your bedside clock, tie
a string around the coffee pot handle or hang a note from the ceiling fan chain.
Things are really tough right now, but will be made much tougher if you get sick.
You really don't want those kinds of problems on top of everything else you are
already going through.
Not taking medication for anything? Then post those sticky notes to remind you to
eat breakfast, drink plenty of water, and exercise, at least until you get back in the
habit. I had so much trouble remembering things in my grief, that I filled my world
with those little yellow "nag-notes". It was the only way I could remember!
Don't overdo.
As a child, my favorite snack was chocolate chip cookies. Mom never put them in my
lunch box. Desert in my lunch box always consisted of fruit. But for an afternoon
snack I could have THREE with a glass of milk. Heaven to a six year old! Even
though I often begged for just one more, she wouldn't let me overdo. That's the
nicest part of being a kid – never being allowed to overdo. Sure, as a kid I
resented it, but I can look back now and see that it was good that I had someone to
remind me when enough was enough.
When you're grieving, you may not have someone around to remind you of that.
That's why I'm telling you. Don't overdo. That means that no matter what you are
doing, don't overdo it. Don't go overboard with donuts or chocolate chip cookies or
that bag of potato chips or that gallon of ice cream. Overeating will not erase your
grief. Don't overdo your rest. Sleeping your life away will not cause your grief to
disappear, it will only postpone it. Don't spend your entire day crying. Tears are a
necessary part of grief, but too many will only give you a really bad sinus headache.
This is from someone who bought tissues by the case.
The only thing you should overdo while grieving, is prayer. Remember: God is great.
God is good. Let us thank Him. For no matter your circumstances, no matter your
stage of grief, God is great, God is good. He is with you always, and will be your
strength to get you through the days, months, years ahead of you. For THAT, give
thanks. He loves you and will see you through your grief, bringing you peace that
can only be found in Him. Spend plenty of time with Him in prayer, for there is where
you will find comfort and the courage to continue in this new life without your loved
one. Have faith! You can do this and He will help you every step of the way if you let
Him.
In all seriousness, I don't know your own personal circumstances. I know you are
grieving, or else you wouldn't be here reading this page. Please know that my heart
goes out to you on your loss and I do have some idea of what you are going
through. I have no words to take your pain away but I hope I have given you a little
extra encouragement. Please take care of yourself. Someone loves you, of that I'm
sure, and you need to take care of yourself even when you don't care. Trust me. If
you focus on the Lord and allow Him to walk with you in your grief, there WILL come
a time when you will care again. That time will come sooner if you are taking care of
yourself in the process.
May God truly bless you and bring you Peace. ~ Ferna
| Remember to Take Care of YOU! © Ferna Lary Mills |
| A Christian Grief Ministry |
Life After Loss |