| Grief is Personal © Ferna Lary Mills |
| A Christian Grief Ministry |
Your grief is very personal. It's yours and yours alone. You will have to deal with it in your
own way, and in your own time. Sure, others will have lots of advice on the things you
should do to try to overcome this sudden void in your life. Unfortunately, most of it is
monkey advice, given by those who, no matter how much they love you or how good their
intentions, have absolutely no real idea what you're going through. Even if they have been
through grief, or studied all about grief, they don't know YOUR grief. The truth is, grief is
personal and you must handle at your own pace and on your own terms.
You're filled with so many emotions, ranging from despair to anger, from tears to rage. But
how you deal with these emotions is your own personal quest. Someone you love is no
longer going to be active in your life. They are gone, and nothing you can do is going to
bring them back. That's the aching reality of it all. But there IS hope for your broken heart.
Joy WILL come again into your life.
Until then, as you weave your way through your own personal grief, trying to put some
meaning and purpose back into your life, I can only suggest a few things that have helped
others, and have helped me. I hope these tips can be of help to you as well. I also pray
that these words can bring you hope that although your life will never be the same again, it
can still be a great life and well worth living!
First, understand that your grief is real, even though everything may have an "unreal"
feeling to it. It's not something you are used to or were prepared for. Accept it as real, even
though sometimes reality can really bite. Know also that nothing you could have ever done
would have prepared you for this moment. We all enter grief unprepared and vulnerable.
This is normal.
Spend some time alone in your thoughts so you can express your grief in ways that only
you can do, without worrying about what others may think. Take some time out of your life
to get a grip on your feelings. After a while (you must decide when) there will come a time
that you will realize you are not an island. Although you have come face to face with the
fact that your loved one is no longer with you, you were not meant to walk alone in this
world.
Sometimes the hardest part of recovery is reaching out. Let others into your life. A good
friend isn't hard to find if you reach out to them. Let them share your burden, be a shoulder
you can lean on, and something in your life with some solid stability to it.
Remember your loved one in a special way, whether it's a donation to a charity, a
memorial, or a new tradition you create in their honor. Another way to find true healing, is
to help others, even though this may seem like the hardest part. Although you must get on
with your life, there is no reason to "forget" your loved one, as they are and will always be
a very important part of who you are and who you have become. Spend a little time each
day remembering the good times you shared.
You might even want to consider a Rainbow Faith memorial for your loved one. It's easy,
it's free, and it's a place of comfort you can return to as often as you choose. Just check
out our memorial link on the left column of this page for more information.
Now, VERY IMPORTANT: No matter what phase of grief you are in right now, it's very
important that you spend time in prayer. God, the healer of broken hearts, will help mend
your broken heart and will lead and guide you to find that purpose left in your life. He still
has wonderful things in store for you in this life. Read the scriptures and seek that peace
"that surpasseth all understanding". True healing will begin when you spend time with
someone greater than yourself.
As dark as it seems now, there will come a day when your grief will no longer overpower
you. You will rise with a strength you didn't even know you possessed, and you WILL live
again. In time, you will even find joy again. He promises!
May God bless you and be with you every step of the way, as He comforts your heart and
brings you to that place of Peace. ~ Ferna
own way, and in your own time. Sure, others will have lots of advice on the things you
should do to try to overcome this sudden void in your life. Unfortunately, most of it is
monkey advice, given by those who, no matter how much they love you or how good their
intentions, have absolutely no real idea what you're going through. Even if they have been
through grief, or studied all about grief, they don't know YOUR grief. The truth is, grief is
personal and you must handle at your own pace and on your own terms.
You're filled with so many emotions, ranging from despair to anger, from tears to rage. But
how you deal with these emotions is your own personal quest. Someone you love is no
longer going to be active in your life. They are gone, and nothing you can do is going to
bring them back. That's the aching reality of it all. But there IS hope for your broken heart.
Joy WILL come again into your life.
Until then, as you weave your way through your own personal grief, trying to put some
meaning and purpose back into your life, I can only suggest a few things that have helped
others, and have helped me. I hope these tips can be of help to you as well. I also pray
that these words can bring you hope that although your life will never be the same again, it
can still be a great life and well worth living!
First, understand that your grief is real, even though everything may have an "unreal"
feeling to it. It's not something you are used to or were prepared for. Accept it as real, even
though sometimes reality can really bite. Know also that nothing you could have ever done
would have prepared you for this moment. We all enter grief unprepared and vulnerable.
This is normal.
Spend some time alone in your thoughts so you can express your grief in ways that only
you can do, without worrying about what others may think. Take some time out of your life
to get a grip on your feelings. After a while (you must decide when) there will come a time
that you will realize you are not an island. Although you have come face to face with the
fact that your loved one is no longer with you, you were not meant to walk alone in this
world.
Sometimes the hardest part of recovery is reaching out. Let others into your life. A good
friend isn't hard to find if you reach out to them. Let them share your burden, be a shoulder
you can lean on, and something in your life with some solid stability to it.
Remember your loved one in a special way, whether it's a donation to a charity, a
memorial, or a new tradition you create in their honor. Another way to find true healing, is
to help others, even though this may seem like the hardest part. Although you must get on
with your life, there is no reason to "forget" your loved one, as they are and will always be
a very important part of who you are and who you have become. Spend a little time each
day remembering the good times you shared.
You might even want to consider a Rainbow Faith memorial for your loved one. It's easy,
it's free, and it's a place of comfort you can return to as often as you choose. Just check
out our memorial link on the left column of this page for more information.
Now, VERY IMPORTANT: No matter what phase of grief you are in right now, it's very
important that you spend time in prayer. God, the healer of broken hearts, will help mend
your broken heart and will lead and guide you to find that purpose left in your life. He still
has wonderful things in store for you in this life. Read the scriptures and seek that peace
"that surpasseth all understanding". True healing will begin when you spend time with
someone greater than yourself.
As dark as it seems now, there will come a day when your grief will no longer overpower
you. You will rise with a strength you didn't even know you possessed, and you WILL live
again. In time, you will even find joy again. He promises!
May God bless you and be with you every step of the way, as He comforts your heart and
brings you to that place of Peace. ~ Ferna
Life After Loss |