|The Hole in Your Soul
© Ferna Lary Mills
|A Christian Grief Ministry
The death of a loved one creates a hole in the soul. A hurtful, empty place. An emptiness
beyond mere words that seemingly screams to be filled. It aches to be filled with despair
and anger, but we struggle to fill it with positive things instead. Nothing works. It still
screams out to be filled and the pain is intense. So what can we do to fill this awful void
that has penetrated deep into our soul?
Logic is the basis of the human thought process. Logic says that if you find a hole in the
yard, this means some of the dirt has been removed. So, logically, you get a shovel of dirt
and begin to put it in the hole until it's filled again. The hole is gone. The ground once
again is level.
Logic doesn't work with the soul. Logic is a physical thing. This void in our soul isn't
physical. It's emotional. Logic is not emotional. So naturally, the logical thing to do
doesn't work. Someone you love is gone and has taken a piece of your soul with them.
Logic says the only cure is to find someone else's love to put in it's place. That doesn't
work. Love someone, for that is a good thing. But that love won't fill the void left from a
lost loved one. It merely fills a different place - not the void.
So what can we do? How can we fill this void? This is where we have to let go of logic
and reasoning, and realize that in order to fill the hole in our soul, we have to take
something else out. No, it doesn't sound logical, but throw out logic and see how this
works. There is nothing you can put in it to fill that void, but if you take something out, the
hole will eventually disappear. Sure, scar tissue may be left behind, but the ache will
eventually heal and your emotions will be ground level once again.
It doesn't make sense. It's not logical. But it's true.
"How do I do this?" you ask. Look into your heart and give part of it away. Find some
way to give something back to life, for if you look, life is all around you. Give of your time
to an organization that needs your time. Give of your love to a child or an older adult that
needs your love. Give of your finances to a person or organization that needs it. Don't
give these things in order to be acknowledged for your generosity. Simply give to help
heal your soul. Give anonymously. Or give in memory of your loved one. But give
Send a "thinking of you" card to someone. Visit a shut-in. Call your elderly neighbor and
ask if she would like to go to the grocery store with you. Take some flowers to the nursing
home. Call a cousin you haven't seen in thirty years and just say "hello". Send a $5
donation to the charity of your choice. It's not much, but they will appreciate it, and it will
help you to heal. Giving away a part of yourself privately may mean simply putting others
on your prayer list and praying for their needs each day.
I don't know "how" this works. I only know it works. I found out quite by surprise myself.
The void was so devastating, I couldn't imaging how I could heal by giving more of myself
away. To be honest, I didn't believe I had anything else to give. Then one day, I was
reading a list of messages posted at another grief recovery website. I was so touched by
the heart wrenching notes posted there and realized how much grief is truly in this world.
Not just MY grief.
I started off by sending a simple email to a couple of the people who had posted there,
simply saying "My heart goes out to you. I too am grieving, but I will keep you in my
prayers." The response was overwhelming. No, not their response. Mine! Yes, I received
responses from them and they were so grateful, but the biggest response was in the
healing of my own soul - simply by giving a tiny portion of it away. Over time, this Rainbow
Faith website eventually came into being, and I continue to give away a huge portion of my
time, my finances, and my soul to this place. The healing it has brought to my own soul is
miraculous and beyond words. To say nothing of the blessings I've received in the process.
So fill your soul by giving part of it away. Do it in little ways, or do it in big ways. But do it
for yourself. God will bless you and heal you in a mighty way!