The Hole in Your Soul
© Ferna Lary Mills
The death of a loved one creates a hole in the soul. A hurtful, empty place. An emptiness
beyond mere words that seemingly screams to be filled. It aches to be filled with despair and
anger, but we struggle to fill it with positive things instead. Nothing works. It still screams out to
be filled and the pain is intense. So what can we do to fill this awful void that has penetrated
deep into our soul?

Logic is the basis of the human thought process. Logic says that if you find a hole in the yard,
this means some of the dirt has been removed. So, logically, you get a shovel of dirt and begin
to put it in the hole until it's filled again.  The hole is gone.  The ground once again is level.

Logic doesn't work with the soul.  Logic is a physical thing.  This void in our soul isn't physical.  
It's emotional.  Logic is not emotional.  So naturally, the logical thing to do doesn't work.  
Someone you love is gone and has taken a piece of your soul with them.  Logic says the only
cure is to find someone else's love to put in it's place.  That doesn't work.  Love someone, for
that is a good thing.  But that love won't fill the void left from a lost loved one. It merely fills a
different place - not the void.

So what can we do?  How can we fill this void?  This is where we have to let go of logic and
reasoning, and realize that in order to fill the hole in our soul, we have to take something else
out.  No, it doesn't sound logical, but throw out logic and see how this works.  There is nothing
you can put in it to fill that void, but if you take something out, the hole will eventually disappear.
Sure, scar tissue may be left behind, but the ache will eventually heal and your emotions will be
ground level once again.

It doesn't make sense.  It's not logical.  But it's true.

"How do I do this?" you ask.  Look into your heart and give part of it away.   Find some way to
give something back to life, for if you look, life is all around you.  Give of your time to an
organization that needs your time.  Give of your love to a child or an older adult that needs your
love.  Give of your finances to a person or organization that needs it.  Don't give these things in
order to be acknowledged for your generosity.  Simply give to help heal your soul.  Give
anonymously.  Or give in memory of your loved one.  But give something back.

Send a "thinking of you" card to someone.  Visit a shut-in.  Call your elderly neighbor and ask if
she would like to go to the grocery store with you.  Take some flowers to the nursing home.  
Call a cousin you haven't seen in thirty years and just say "hello".  Send a $5 donation to the
charity of your choice.  It's not much, but they will appreciate it, and it will help you to heal.  
Giving away a part of yourself privately may mean simply putting others on your prayer list and
praying for their needs each day.

I don't know "how" this works. I only know it works.  I found out quite by surprise myself.  The
void was so devastating, I couldn't imaging how I could heal by giving more of myself away. To
be honest, I didn't believe I had anything else to give.  Then one day, I was reading a list of
messages posted at another grief recovery website.  I was so touched by the heart wrenching
notes posted there and realized how much grief is truly in this world.  Not just MY grief.

I started off by sending a simple email to a couple of the people who had posted there, simply
saying "My heart goes out to you.  I too am grieving, but I will keep you in my prayers."  The
response was overwhelming.  No, not their response. Mine!  Yes, I received responses from
them and they were so grateful, but the biggest response was in the healing of my own soul -
simply by giving a tiny portion of it away.  Over time, this Rainbow Faith website eventually
came into being, and I continue to give away a huge portion of my time, my finances, and my
soul to this place.  The healing it has brought to my own soul is miraculous and beyond words.
To say nothing of the blessings I've received in the process.

So fill your soul by giving part of it away.  Do it in little ways, or do it in big ways. But do it for
yourself.  God will bless you and heal you in a mighty way!


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