I recently listened to an audio tape by John James that described his feelings
when he lost his child. He compared it to a cartoon figure running all out with
something bad chasing him. When he turned to see how close the terrible thing
was he crashed full force into a tree. He broke into a thousand pieces and was
laying on the ground.
That was a description that I could relate to. I had been running hard for two and
one half years trying to take care of my John. Then suddenly I ran into the wall
called “death”… death of my beloved husband. My body, soul and mind were
shattered into a million pieces. There I was face down on the ground and scared
Some people came and helped me start picking up those pieces of memories,
pieces of joy, pieces of unmet expeditions ( I did expect to have the Golden
Years of retirement with John), big hunk of love and forty-five years of life just
lying there on the ground. Where to start?
As I tried to put the pieces together, some didn’t fit anymore, some were sharp
and I cut my hands and the tears came. It was hard, tedious work … day after
day. The life I was trying to put back together didn’t look the same … didn’t feel
the same. In fact it looked kind of ugly. And I really didn’t like life any more. Some
days I couldn’t get any pieces to fit. But other times I would make steady
In the beginning there were friends and family trying to help me. But then some
people grew tired of helping and moved away and I certainly didn’t blame them.
Who would want to be around such a sad sack? But others were on their knees
handing me the pieces……. Even God was there!!!
Always there was God. He often whispered to me telling me that I could be put
* I told Him I was weak, then He told me that He could make me strong.
* He told me that John had died, not me, and that He still had plans for me.
* I told Him the journey was too long and hard. He said, “Hey Girl, that’s what I
* I told Him that I didn’t want to live another day, then He told me he would never
leave me. Then He said, “Where is your trust, My Child?”
* I told Him that I really didn’t like this life and He reminded me that He had
created this earth with His own hands. Then He said, “Oh ye of little faith”.
* And then He told me that He had promised me eternal life and that I would
really love that!!! “You must remember that John is here with me. In fact, I just
saw John this morning and he is waiting for you!”
* He told me to count my blessings.
Oh, we really had some good chats!!! He was never too busy or preoccupied to
walk with me. Oh, He is the best listener!!! But best of all, He never let me walk
|A Christian Grief Ministry